How to Address Wedding Invitations: 3 Easy Steps

Congratulations!! You conquered the biggest beast of wedding planning–the guest list. Now it’s time to take the names and addresses of your loved ones and prep them for printing on pretty envelopes. Easy, right?

Well, then you hit a snag. While Uncle Joe and Aunt Sally’s titles are easy, what about your cousin Melissa, who earned her Ph.D., but her husband hasn’t? Your best friend got married but kept her maiden name. Then there’s a friend of your in-laws who’s a prominent judge, another cousin who got promoted to lieutenant, and oh, yeah, your gay friend’s new significant other doesn’t gender identify.

 And your fourth-grade teacher only taught you to address a single person and a married couple…

If you’ve shied away from those dry posts that detail every nuance without clearly stated rules, then this blog is for you. First, we’ll organize these etiquette nightmares into 3 rule groups. Second, we’ll focus on titles that walk the line between formal and casual. This way, you can feel confident that the form you choose will satisfy both your grandmother and your friends without giving you a headache!

*Examples provide forms for both outer and inner envelopes.

Group 1: The Classical

-Married couples with the same last name
-Single men & women
-Widows

Let’s start with the singles.  

Example 1:
Outer Envelope: Mr. Harry Potter
Inner Envelope: Mr. Potter and Guest

Example 2:
Outer Envelope: Ms. Hermione Granger
Inner Envelope: Ms. Granger and Guest

Notes:
A) Plus ones: If you’re skipping the inner envelope, feel free to add “and Guest” behind the full name on the outer envelope.

B) Single adults still living at home or as roommates: This may seem redundant, but single people over 18 should receive a separate invitation, even if they still live with their parents. This also applies if you have two friends who live together as roommates. Why? Because it recognizes the single person as a grown individual instead of treating him or her as a kid who’s still tagging along. It also ensures you can indicate plus ones without cluttering the envelope. If the extra postage is bugging you, then ask yourself how you’d like to be addressed. As an individual, or as your parents’ tagalong?

Married couples with the same last name and children:

Example 1: (Let’s pretend these four Weasleys are still underage.)
Outer Envelope: Mr. Arthur and Mrs. Molly Weasley
Inner Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Fred, George, Ron, and Miss Ginny

Example 2:
Outer Envelope Only: The Weasley Family

Notes: 
A) While traditional etiquette doesn’t require it, use the wife’s first name. This is more inclusive. Brides, how will you feel if people omit your name altogether after you take your husband’s name?

B) Example 2 above leans towards the casual. If you intend to invite children to a formal affair, strongly consider inner envelopes to list them properly. However, you won’t likely offend people with this broad, inclusive address.

C) List children in age order from oldest to youngest.

D) Not directly indicating children will imply that they are not invited. If you want them present, make sure to indicate them on the envelopes. If you do not want to invite children, then only include the couple’s names.

E) Boys under 18 do not have titles, but girls under 18 typically have “Miss” added before their name.

F) These guidelines for children apply for single parents and all subsequent examples.

Widows 

Example 1: 
Outer Envelope: Mrs. Rose Nylund
Inner Envelope: Mrs. Nylund and Guest

Example 2: 
Outer Envelope: Ms. Rose Nylund
Inner Envelope: Ms. Nylund and Guest

Notes: 
A) Widows may be addressed as either Mrs. or Ms., and she may or may not use her late husband’s last name. If you’re unsure, ask her. Chances are your 80-year-old grandmother will still go by “Mrs.” and her married name. But a younger widow who has begun dating again may have reverted back to Ms. Be sensitive and make sure you get this one right!

Group 2:
The New Age Amendment

-Married couples with different last names
-Non-married couples living together
-Single parents with children
-Those who don’t gender identify.

I call this group the “New Age Amendment” because it represents the people whom old school etiquette left out. So let’s fix that!

Guidelines that apply to ALL couples in this group:

A) Gender does not matter. Assuming neither partner has a special title (see group 3), you may either:
- List the couple by alphabetical order OR
- List the person you’re closest to first.

Married couples with different last names:

Example 1: (Alphabetical Order by Surname)
Outer Envelope: Mr. John Legend and Mrs. Christine Teigen
Inner Envelope: Mr. Legend and Mrs. Teigen

Example 2: (You’re closer to the wife)
Outer Envelope: Mrs. Christine Teigen and Mr. John Legend
Inner Envelope: Mrs. Teigen and Mr. Legend

Example 3: (Same applies for LGBTQ couples–reversing the below is also appropriate.)
Outer Envelope: Mr. Mitchell Pritchett and Mr. Cameron Tucker
Inner Envelope: Mr. Pritchett and Mr. Tucker

Non-married couples living together:

Example 1: (You know Willow better.)
Outer Envelope: Ms. Willow Rosenburg and Ms. Tara Maclay
Inner Envelope: Ms. Rosenburg and Ms. Maclay

Example 2: (Alphabetical Order)
Outer Envelope: Ms. Grace Adler and Mr. Will Truman
Inner Envelope: Ms. Adler and Mr. Truman

Single parents with children:

Example 1: (Before Rory turned 18!)
Outer Envelope: Ms. Lorelai Gilmore
Inner Envelope: Ms. Gilmore, Guest, and Miss Rory
Outer Envelope Only: Ms. Lorelai Gilmore, Guest, and Miss Rory

Example 2: 
Outer Envelope: Mr. Danny Tanner
Inner Envelope: Mr. Tanner, Guest, Miss Donna-Jo, Miss Stephanie, and Miss Michelle 
Outer Envelope Only: Mr. Danny Tanner, Guest, and Family

Notes:
A) If you intend to give a single parent the option to bring both a guest and his or her children, then add the guest directly after the parent’s name. Adding it after the child’s name makes it seem like you’re giving the child a guest! Again, if you’re inviting children to a formal affair, inner envelopes are best.

B) Note that if you give a single parent a guest but exclude the children, the parent may bring his or her child/teen as the “guest.” If your wedding is adult-only, make sure you communicate this on the invitation itself. You may also need to mention this to the single parent verbally.

Addressing those who do not gender identify.

Example 1: 
Outer Envelope: Caitlyn Jenner
Inner Envelope: Caitlyn and Guest

Example 2: 
Outer Envelope: Caitlyn Jenner and Sophia Hutchins
Inner Envelope: Caitlyn and Sophia

Notes: 
A) If you have guests on your list who don’t use traditional gender titles, then the easiest solution is to drop the title altogether. Doing so will show that you’re sympathetic to their sentiments.

B) If you personally dislike gender titles, then you may choose to drop such titles for many of your guests. However, be aware of older adults on your list. For instance, if your parents are inviting friends you grew up addressing as “Mr.” or “Ms.,” then it may seem off if you suddenly drop those titles of respect. As always, use your best judgment.

Group 3:

The Special Titles

-Doctors (including anyone with a Ph.D.)
-Judges
-Religious Personnel
-Military Personnel

Overall guidelines for this group: 

A) You should NEVER use Mr., Ms., or Mrs. to address anyone with a special title, nor should you ever drop it altogether. These people have worked hard to earn their designation, so give them the respect they deserve.

B) For couples, always list the person with the special title FIRST. Like with the New Age Amendment group, gender does not matter.

C) If a couple shares a last name and the same special title, then spell out the shared title first (i.e. “Doctors”). Then list their first and last names. 

D) If the couple has different last names and the same title, OR if both have different special titles, then apply the same guideline from group 2: 
- List the couple by alphabetical order OR
- List the person you’re closest to first.
*See exception for military below.

Doctors

Example 1: 
Outer Envelope: Dr. John Dorian 
Inner Envelope: Dr. Dorian and Guest
(Taking bets: Would he bring Elliot or Turk?)

Example 2: (Person with special title first)
Outer Envelope: Dr. Elliot Reed and Mr. Sean Kelly
Inner Envelope: Dr. Reed and Mr. Kelly

Example 3: (Same last name & title––let’s pretend that Elliot and JD got married, and Elliot took his last name!)
Outer Envelope: Doctors Elliot and John Dorian
Inner Envelope: The Doctors Dorian

Notes: 
A) The title "Dr." applies to anyone who has earned a Ph.D.

Judges: 

Example 1: (Person with special title first)
Outer Envelope: The Honorable Judith Sheindlin and Mr. Jerry Sheindlin
Inner Envelope: Judge Sheindlin and Mr. Sheindlin

Religious Personnel:

Example 1:  (Person with special title first, plus children)
Outer Envelope: Reverend Eric Camden and Mrs. Annie Camden
Inner Envelope: Reverend Camden, Mrs. Camden, Matt, Miss Mary, Miss Lucy, Simon, and Miss Ruthie
Outer Envelope Only: Reverend Eric Camden, Mrs. Annie Camden and Family

Military Personnel:

Example 1: 
Outer Envelope: Commander Harmon Rabb
Inner Envelope: Commander Rabb and Guest

Example 2: (One person with special title)
Outer Envelope: Second Lieutenant Trevor LeBlanc and Mrs. Roxi LeBlanc
Inner Envelope: Second Lieutenant LeBlanc and Mrs. LeBlanc

Example 3: (Both have different special titles––example below are equal in rank.)
Outer Envelope: Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie and Commander Harmon Rabb
Inner Envelope: Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Rabb

Notes:
A) Click here for a full list of military titles.

B) MILITARY EXCEPTION: If a couple has different military rankings, always list the person with the highest rank FIRST.

Organizing Your Guest List

Materials needed:
-Printed guest list
-3 different colored highlighters

Whew! That was a lot. But chances are good that your guest list does not have EVERY case listed above. At most, it may have 50%.

To make formatting your guests’ titles easier, print out your list. Grab three highlighters and assign a different color to each group described above. With your partner, go through your list with each highlighter and mark who belongs in each group. Then you’ll be able to address each group separately without getting thrown off by a special case.

As always, if you have any questions or find I missed a particular case, reach out to me! I’m happy to help!